Quick question for you… If you’ve ever tried to lose weight, would you consider yourself a perfectionist?
If you’re answer is yes, this article is definitely for you so keep reading. If you’re answer is no, this article is definitely for you. No, there wasn’t a typo in the last sentence. Stay with me and I’ll explain later why this is an article every woman who’s been on a weight loss journey - that’s had so many ups and downs you stopped counting years ago when you realized you ran out of fingers and toes - should read.
When you think of perfectionism, what’s the first thing that pops into your head?
Type-A personality
Extremely successful person (I’m talking multi-millionaire status)
Needing everything in it’s place before you start
Going all in (We’ll chat about how to redefine this one)
Obsessive compulsive person
Never satisfied and always critical
These were the first things that came to mind when I started writing this. Part of the definition of perfectionism according to Merriam-Webster is “a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable.”
So, why am I talking about perfectionism as a health and fitness coach for women? Well, I’m glad you asked because there’s a direct link between perfectionism and a woman’s ability to lose weight. Yup, it’s true! This is the number one hurdle that gets in the way of my clients creating sustainable, healthy lifestyle habits that work for them. There’s a pattern I’ve observed over the years with my clients who don’t experience the weight loss results they expect. I’ll share this pattern with you and what links perfectionism to weight loss.
Let’s dive deep and see what hidden gems this connection has to offer!
The link I’m talking about is what I like to call the all-or-nothing connection. Simply put, the mindset here is that you have to do everything right all the time or you’ll never lose weight. I get this mindset because I used to have it. If something didn’t go my way, I would give up way too easily and just think that what I was doing didn’t work.
Let’s get into some specific examples that you might be able to relate to.
Too Invested in the Scale
This is a big one because we’ve been brainwashed to think the number on the scale defines our health and value as a woman when the reality is it’s actually just a number. Here’s the thing about the scale: it’s not an accurate measurement of not only your weight, but your health. There’s different variables that go into the number on the scale. It doesn’t reflect any water weight you might be holding onto depending on what you ate for your previous meal or how much lean muscle mass you have. Lean muscle mass is more dense than fat. I go into a bit more detail about this in a previous blog post here and podcast episode here.
When you see the number on the scale stay the same (or go up), what’s your first thought? A few things I hear from clients is that they think they’re not doing enough or what they’re doing isn’t working. Whether or not one or both of these is true is not the most important thing to consider. When this happens, the most effective first step in evaluating the situation is deciding whether or not you’ve set up realistic expectations for yourself. This is the next part of the all-or-nothing connection…
Sets Unrealistic Expectations
Your body has a survival mechanism built into it to make sure you stay alive and kicking. Your body knows exactly what it needs to do to keep you healthy and this may include keeping extra weight on you. If you’ve still got your period, your body is basically always on standby, ready for the possibility of growing a tiny human at any moment. It’s like your body’s built-in safety net, making sure you don’t get too skinny, because if you’re not careful, your fertility could take a hit. Your body’s got your back, even when you’re not planning on a baby just yet. This is just one of the amazing things our bodies do that we should celebrate!
Another thing many women don’t take into account is hormone fluctuations. Your hormones fluctuate throughout the month (which is what they’re supposed to do) which means your body responds to food, exercise, and sleep a little differently depending on your hormone levels. If you’re perimenopausal, your hormones might be fluctuating in a different way then before in ways you can’t predict which can be frustrating. I know first hand how this feels and it’s not always fun.
When you don’t see the number on the scale go down or it’s not going down fast enough, it can be easy to just give up. This just happens to be the third link in the all or nothing connection.
Gives Up Too Easily
In the moment, sometimes throwing in the towel and giving up seems like the easiest option. Which it just might be unless you’re willing to keep moving forward. The challenge here is that in today’s society, we’re given instant access to so many things that we’ve almost forgotten what it was like to have to wait for something.
We no longer need to wait a week to get photos developed. We take pictures on our phones and can view them immediately. No need drive around town searching for a 24-hour photo. Ah, the good old days when you got photos back that didn’t turn out the way you envisioned it!
When I was growing up, if I missed a new episode of Friends, I had to wait for the rerun. Back then, TBS wasn’t a constant stream of network TV show reruns like it is today so sometimes I would have to wait weeks or even months to catch the episode I missed. If I knew I wasn’t going to be home, I could’ve put a VHS in the VCR (the 80’s and 90’s version of the DVR for the young folks) and program it to record the episode. But, to be honest, I didn’t really know how to program the VCR to record a show so there was no guarantee it would actually record the show. My success level with this was pretty low.
These days, if we miss a new episode of a show the day it’s released on a streaming service, it will be patiently waiting for us to watch it at our convenience. No patience needed on our end.
The thing is, your body doesn’t burn fat on command no matter how many whole food meals you eat, strength training sessions you do, or hours of sleep you get. It’s all about patience and trust. Trusting the good habits you’ve got in place and getting back on track when needed will keep the momentum going, even when it feels like nothing’s happening. Perfection is totally overrated. No one’s got it all together. But consistency? That’s the magic sauce that’ll keep you moving forward, even when it feels like you're stuck in neutral.
To wrap it up, if you feel like you’ve experienced any or all of the above, you may have fallen into the all-or-nothing trap and just didn’t know it. This is totally okay. The great news is now that you’re aware of it, you can let go of the all-or-nothing mindset and go about your weight loss journey with confidence knowing that you have patience, willpower, and motivation to achieve your realistic weight loss goals.